just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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