Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
