Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
