Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
