i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
