the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
