Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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