I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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