Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
