8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
