girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
