just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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