I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize