I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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