the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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