stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
