break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
