tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
