hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
