You surviving the open bar?
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I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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