"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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