Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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