I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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