This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
