What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
