I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
