Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
