Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
