i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
