I didn't shave. On purpose
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize