you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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