we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
