By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
