I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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