Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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