Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
