i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
