from now on my penis is your penis
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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