He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize