My liver just broke up with me...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize