is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
