Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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