Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
