Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Randomize
