How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
