I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
