Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
