Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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