Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
