Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize