he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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