WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
