I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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