If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
