Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
