mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
