How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
