somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
