If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
