you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
