How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
