Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
