why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You did what with his pubic hair?
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