Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
