So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
