oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
