I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
