1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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