dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I smell stomach acid.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
