Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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