Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize