Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
